News | Men are abused too
A 2010 report by Mankind (UK charity supporting male victims of domestic abuse) indicates that 1 in 6 (16%) men aged between 16 and 59 will suffer domestic abuse in their lifetime (as opposed to 1 in 4 (27%) women). Figures are drawn from 2004/2005 British Crime Survey and remain valid today. A staggering figure for most who are likely to think that it is predominantly women who suffer, and certainly that is what the majority of the publicity would lead us to believe. Even the most infamous case of domestic abuse against men – Wayne Bobbit in 1993 is now seen as a joke. As is the more recent case in 2005, when the wife of Eastenders’ ‘hard man’ Ross Kemp (then Sun editor, Rebekah Wade) was arrested for physically abusing him. He refused medical treatment for a cut lip and she was not charged.
So staggeringly, 36% of domestic violence occurrences are against men, equating to 2.6 million men.
There is no actual definition of ‘domestic violence’, but the Home Office defines it as “Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.”
The types of violence perpetrated against men are very similar to those against women, usually forming a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. Physical and sexual abuse are usually more easily recognisable but the abuse can take many forms for example; destructive criticism, verbal abuse, disrespect, harassment and checking up, lying, forcing a person to do things they don't want to do, threats, destroying possessions, pressure tactics such as withholding money and/or denying access to friends, family, work, college etc. However, research shows that women are more likely to be physically injured than men and men are less likely to be murdered (of those who are, about 1/3 are killed by men, whereas women victims are almost exclusively killed by men). Home Office figures suggest that on average, 100 women a year and 30 men a year are killed within a domestic abuse context.
Men’s rights campaign group Parity claims that in 2006/7 incidents of domestic violence against men rose as high as 48%, and that assaults by wives and girlfriends are often ignored by police and media, with male victims treated as “second class victims”. As with women, abused men feel ashamed and embarrassed, but men are more unlikely to report incidents. Many males are brought up to believe that it is not ‘manly’ to cry – they must be strong and ‘macho’ – and admitting to having being abused is a sign of weakness. Many will take the beating or abuse rather than admit to it – or hit back in case they are seen to be the abuser themselves – regularly feeling that people would think the idea ludicrous.
Fathers also worry about leaving the family home, for fear of not being able to see their children again – most believing that mothers usually get custody of the children. Or worse still, if they leave the home with the children they could face a charge of abduction.
Of course no one really knows the cause of the increase in domestic violence against men, but there are thoughts that an increase binge drinking and drug taking, or even the pressure of the woman’s career and family life might contribute. Whatever the case, domestic abuse of a man is just as abhorrent as it is of a woman, but as there is much more publicity of violence against women – and most strategies are aimed at them too – most men don’t know where to turn. There are some organisations in UK specifically aimed at helping male victims of domestic violence (see below), but men also have exactly the same options as women. They must remember that they are not weak and they are not to blame, and should report the incident to the police, who must deal with it in the same way as a report from a women. Also, with the help of a solicitor a victim can apply to court for the protection of an order, commonly referred to as an injunction. A ‘non molestation order’ can protect the victim or their child from violence or threatened violence and from harassment and pestering or instructing or encouraging anyone else to do these things. An ‘occupation order’ can order the perpetrator to move out of the family home and not to return or even go within a certain distance of it. Both of these orders can usually be made within a couple of days – even on the same day in emergency situations. Applications for these orders are not made in public so no one who is not connected with the case will be in attendance.
The orders are of course only a piece of paper, but once a non molestation order has been made it is a criminal offence to breach the order and the perpetrator can be arrested and brought before a court. This has meant that breaches are dealt with quicker and generally more successfully as respondents are subject to a wider range of punishments than they were in the family courts.
Watson Esam has helped many men who have been victims of domestic abuse and can arrange confidential meetings to discuss any situation, offer help and advice or to arrange prompt court applications as required.
For further information contact the family team on 0114 321 1888 or email divorce-enquiries@graysons.co.uk – or just call in if you prefer and ask to speak to a member of the family team.
Some useful links:
1. Sheaf Domestic Abuse Project
Help for men and women in Sheffield suffering from domestic abuse
0114 249 8881 or 0800 073 8882
2. Mankind
Support for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence – national
0808 801 0327
3. Mens Advice Line
Advice and support for men in abusive relationships - national
01823 334244
